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ktotheristy

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( leave me love )

Miami [07 Nov 2011|12:00am]
[ mood | listless ]

The terror held in wedding bells,
the comfort in 'there's no one else'...
Truth be told I'm never gonna know.


I'm sure I've posted this before,
but truth,
it's how I feel sometimes.

( leave me love )

[02 Jul 2011|10:11pm]
Something about idle time being the Devil's playground....

( leave me love )

What Could Have Been [07 May 2011|11:42am]
I'm happy to have the people in my life that I do,
in whatever capacity that entails.

That being said, sometimes I still wonder.
How would my life be different today
if I had acted on my emotions and followed
my heart so many years ago, instead
of letting the words of others guide my actions?

Everything happens for a reason,
and I wouldn't have everything that I have now
if things had gone differently back then.

My present is wonderful, and my future is bright.

It's just that the 'what ifs' of life haunt me when I look into the past.

( leave me love )

More Than Words [01 May 2011|08:46pm]
I'd say that finding the love of your life isn't all it's cracked up to be,
but that would be a lie.

It's everything I've ever dreamed of and more.

I couldn't imagine life without him.

( leave me love )

I thought we were good [15 Jan 2011|03:46pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I had finally conviced myself
that it was all in my head...

But I can't stand that tone of voice.

I need to stop being so emotional,
but it's easier said than done
to just turn off my thoughts.

( leave me love )

Forever is not a given, you have to work for it. [07 Dec 2010|06:55am]
[ mood | determined ]

I set a goal,
and the prize
is too sweet
to fail.

Let's do this.

27.

( leave me love )

Then again... [01 Dec 2010|08:26am]
[ mood | content ]

I shouldn't rant,
and cry,
and make myself sick,
over things that I
exaggerate in my head.

I have a bright future,
life is good.

(2 Y leave me love )

You wanted to jump and dance... [30 Nov 2010|08:14pm]
[ mood | Not Well ]

Three words.

only four months

I was so happy. I had convinced msyelf that everything was perfect. I had decided I was cured.

Then I made a snap second stupid drunk decision.

Now it feels like square one. I can't stop thinking the words.
failure. suck. weakness.

I keep telling myself it was a slip, that I'm still fighting. I made it so long and I'm so much stronger now, just pick myself up and move forward.

But then ... "It's only been four months."
It hurts most to hear that from the boy that's been my biggest support, my favorite everything.

There's nothing I can do about the stupid stupid fucking stupid decisions I've made in my life, the things that I can never forgive myself for or forget, but I thought I was finally making progress. Now I feel like it wasn't good enough, hasn't been long enough to prove anything.

I hate the person I used to be. Hate hate hate hate hate hate her.

I'm not her, I've come a long way, and I don't care long it's been in real time, in the space of my mind, it feels like more. I felt clean and happy and strong and all of those amazing good things.

Now I just feel sad and angry and mostly just sick.

I believe him when he calls me beautiful, but I believe him just as much when he says 'Not good enough', and that's how I feel right now.

( leave me love )

[23 Oct 2010|09:55am]
You said I'd never change.
You were wrong.

I found someone who believes in me.
Someone who can give me and be for me
all the things that you could not.

Thanks for being an ass,
so that I could really seriously
appreciate what I have now.




He is love.
Forever&Always

( leave me love )

I still miss you every day [05 Oct 2010|08:44pm]
[ mood | Loving ]

Dear Gramma,

I told you I'd make you proud. I wish you were here to see this, so much has changed. I'm working every day to be a better person. To live the life that I want, and be the person I always knew that I could be. The person that you always told me I could be.

I so wish I could see your face. Hear your words. I remember your smile, I wish I could see you smiling for me. I feel your love. But oh, man, if you could only be here. I've got my shit together, just like I told you I would.

It's a process. Every day is a new challange, but it gets easier with every right decision.

He's a wonderful boy. You'd love him. I know you would. Your approval always mattered. I wanted you to be there for all the important moments in my life. And even though you're not physically there, and that hurts a little, I know that you're there in spirit, smiling down on me from heaven, letting me know how happy for me and how proud of me you are. I can feel that.

I'm sorry for the people that never got to meet you. You're amazing. So many things you taught me, so many memories, so many lessons, and advice. You're beautiful, inside and out, and your memory will live with my always.

Thank you so much for everything. I wouldn't be the person that I am today if I didn't have you in my life. I freaking love you. Every day, every moment. <3 You're an outstanding lady, and I only hope that I can be half the woman that you were.

Love you.

-Kristy Baboon (You're Dumb Banana)

( leave me love )

Anniversaries & Milestones [24 Aug 2010|06:02am]
[ mood | WONDERFUL ]

"Every time I look at you,
it's like the first time."


I had to fight for this,
because he's the best thing
that's ever been mine.

<3

Things are so good right now.
I'm so proud of myself.
All I needed was someone to believe in me.

Now I believe in me.

(1 Y leave me love )

The dawn is coming [03 Aug 2010|01:34pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Sometimes you have to
totally and completely break everything down,

so you can rebuild the foundation on stable ground.

Get rid of everything that wasn't working,
and start over.

I've finally become someone that I can be proud of.
I like myself.
What's more, I love myself.

This is the person that I want to be.
That I have to be,
because I can never go back to the person I was becoming.

It's a process,
but life is a process.

Things are going to get harder,
because life is hard.
But I'm arming myself with tools and methods now,
so I'll be able to handle whatever life throws at me.

I can, and will, do this.

YesIcan.

( leave me love )

The truth comes out [24 Jul 2010|11:35am]
"How do you know?"
"You just know."

I know.


.........


I thought I could handle myself.
I thought wrong.

Time to cut the shit.

As of today,
besides the occasional special event champange toast,
I'm done with drinking for a very long while.

( leave me love )

All I can do [30 Jun 2010|12:21am]
[ mood | blank ]

Day 1

Getting my shit together.

Tomorrow I'm making a phone call,
starting down the path to recovery.

I don't have words for how badly I screwed up.
I can't stand the person I've become this last week.
I don't even know who I am.
My goal in all of this is to figure that out.

And make sure that that person is someone that I can live with,
because right now, it's not.

( leave me love )

Did you know you were the girl that made Love a four letter word? [28 Jun 2010|11:17am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I don't know that I can do this.

( leave me love )

Nobel Peace Prize [26 Jun 2010|03:51am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

"I used to be Love Drunk,
but now I'm Hungover."

I guess it is almost 4am.
I can't expect other people to be awake,
to entertain me.

*sigh*

Okay, cut the crap.

(I can't.)

Gotosleep.

(Maybeeventually.)

Love.

( leave me love )

Relapse [20 Jun 2010|12:05pm]
[ mood | Freaking Amazing ]

The only problem with feeling
this damn good right now,
is knowing that this feeling can't last.

Beautiful.

( leave me love )

Swirling [14 Jun 2010|07:55am]
[ mood | confused ]

Sometimes I think I think too much.
I know I think too much.

Time is going by so fast.
You only live once.

I've always felt like I was destined for great things,
but I'm way too content on being just okay.

I can't focus,
time needs to slow down,
so I have three seconds to work out my thoughts.
Feelings.
Passions.

I hate feeling like I'm on the verge of something,
and not knowing what that something is.

( leave me love )

Notes and Photographs [03 Jun 2010|07:47am]
[ mood | sad ]

It's not enough to decide to be a better person,
turns out I have to actually do it.

True story.

You remind me of a song I used to love.


<3

( leave me love )

Please make me not so crazy [23 May 2010|02:17am]
[ mood | Off ]

"You put your hand in mine,
it fits so perfectly.
Your whispers between kisses,
tell me all I need to be."


I feel like I'm losing it lately.
idk what it is.

Everything is pretty normal,
nothing has really changed.

I'm letting go.
Being more lax.
Which in some ways is a good thing,
but in other ways it's dangerous as hell.

I need to figure this out.
And freaking get some sleep.

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